There Are a Lot of Things That Irritate Me.

Hey blog! It's been a while! That's mostly because I've been busy working, spending the weekend eating Mom's amazing shish kebabs and pot roast and tubing at Red Lake Falls with ze family, not to mention spending time with the adorable cats at the Humane Society. I did some stuff and saw a few things, and some of them angered me. Which inspired me to make a list. An epic one. About things that piss me off.


The Epic List of Things I Can't Stand.

• Asshole drivers. Say you're driving in town. It's a busy street so there's two lanes for each direction of traffic. For the seven or so blocks before the stoplight there are a bunch of signs that say "MERGE RIGHT" and "LEFT LANE ENDS" and things of that nature. Then, just after the stoplight, there are cones that force you out of the left lane and do just like the signs say, merge into the right lane because there's construction or some shit going on in that lane so you can't be up in there, fucking up their fresh cement and whatnot. All the smart, polite, normal people who are tired from just getting off work merge into the right lane, as warned by the sign. But there's always that one motherfucker. That ONE asshole who sees all of those and thinks "Holy crap. There's like a million people in the right lane, I don't want to wait and possibly miss the light, and my life is so important that these small peons of the working world should simply let me budge in front of them to shave off five seconds from my trip home." So anyway, this one asshole pulls up to the front of the left lane. Everyone in the right lane looks to him and mentally says to him, "Are you fucking kidding me?" The light turns green and, lo and behold, the asshole in the left lane pounds his gas pedal like he's in the Daytona 500 and makes a swift merge into the right lane, narrowly missing the traffic cones and nearly massacring the front runner in the right lane. That's why I take extreme pride in being that front runner of the right lane, holding a now personal vendetta against said asshole, and fully-intentionally stay even with him until he nearly crashes into the merge cones, regardless of how fast he speeds to get ahead of me. One time one of them even honked at me in anger because I wouldn't let him in front of me. I nearly stopped my car and threw my coffee into his open window. But I have too much respect for coffee to do that.
• Obnoxious vehicles. For instance. Hicked-out Dodges, Fords, or Chevy's (which you will be made known of by the bold, white-lettered decal on the rear window stating the brand, which they installed to proudly show their patronage) pickup with gigantic, unnecessary grille guards as if they hit deer on a daily basis and need to protect their grilles from the constant barrage of animal carcasses, an obnoxiously loud "rev" to their engines to attract hick-, bar-, tramp stamp-loving skanks, and tires that are roughly the same height as the pickup's body itself. Ricer cars (commonly a Mazda or Toyota and released at some point during the early nineties with a spoiler on the back and those blinding bright yellow or neon blue headlights (that are illegal by the way, dickbags). Or mid-life crisis, "Stop staring at my microscopic penis and look at this amazing car I drive" cars that cost fifteen times my annual salary and had to be imported from a country they've never been to before but got it from them to feel "more worldly."
• People who don't do any research about a restaurant before going to it. Think of a restaurant you're familiar with. Subway, McDonald's, Olive Garden... many come to mind. And all of them have different styles. McDonald's is simple, it's a matter of just reading the menu and making a few choices. Olive Garden is also simple, as it's a normal restaurant, you wait to be seated, order your drinks, then your food, and you eat. But let's think for a second. You don't walk into McDonald's and ask for a Whopper. Because that's from fucking Burger King. And you're at a McDonald's. So leave and go to a fucking Burger King. Some of you are aware of a nice place called Quizno's. And I'm sure a good percentage of you in your mind stated this exact line "Oh that's basically a Subway." But stop right there you ignorant bitch, no. It's NOT like a Subway. Because it's a fucking Quizno's. They're not owned by the same company, they don't have the same menu, and the only thing they do have in common is that they serve sandwiches. Hurray. The one similarity. To show you the differences, for any of you who plan to have a first-time visit to a Quizno's any time soon, here's what goes down. At a Subway, you order what kind of bread you want and what size you want. They have many options, and their sizes are a "6 inch" or a "footlong" sandwich. Then you choose what sub you'd like, this is the only thing set in stone on your sandwich; the meats. Then you pick cheese, then vegetables, then sauce. Voila. There's your sandwich. Now, time for Quizno's. Time to pick your bread and size again. This time, though, there are different breads. Gasp. No, Quizno's does not have a fucking "Honey Oat" bread, so don't fucking ask. Quizno's doesn't have a "6 inch" or a "footlong," it has a small (5"), regular (8"), or large (11"). Now, here's where people start losing common sense. In front of you on this thing that lists what kind of sandwiches they have, it's called a "menu" (I know, it's a lot of information to take in, but bare with me), you choose which one will most likely suit your taste buds. Each sandwich has predesignated cheeses, sauces, and vegetables. When you go into a McDonald's you don't say "Yeah I'd like to order a burger with tomatoes, lettuce, onion, bacon..." etc, you order a Big Mac or some shit and just ask them to take off the stuff you don't like. That's how a Quizno's works. For instance, the Mesquite Chicken comes with ranch dressing, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cheddar cheese, chicken, and bacon. Don't like onions? Ask them not to put the onions on. And they're so used to people coming in and not knowing what the fuck they're doing, that the employees have even started verifying that you're cool with the listed ingredients by asking "Lettuce, tomatoes, and onions okay on it?" Because the exact opposite of the highlight of their day is putting onions on something and immediately getting yelled at by someone complaining "I DON'T WANT ANY ONIONS ON MY SANDWICH." It takes every fiber of their being, I'm sure, not to say "WELL THEN WHY DON'T YOU READ WHAT COMES ON THE FUCKING SANDWICH YOU ORDERED AND TELL US NOT TO PUT ONIONS ON THE SANDWICH THAT ONIONS COME ON, BITCH." And a second note, being as Quizno's is not a Subway, you do not walk in and say "Um.. yeah.. I want a six inch on wheat with just like.. turkey and American cheese.. and like ranch or something." First of all, they don't have American cheese, you fuck. Second of all, no. You do that at Subway. But you're at a fucking Quizno's. And when they ask you "Lettuce, tomatoes, and onions okay on it?" that is not an open invitation to look over the glass sneezeguard and start investigating all of the vegetables they have. THOSE ARE NOT YOUR OPTIONS. YOUR OPTIONS ARE LETTUCE, TOMATOES, AND ONIONS.* ... *-not all sandwiches only come with those three vegetables. The Italian, for instance, also comes with black olives, and the Chicken Carbonara only has mushrooms on it. -rainbow- :D
• Closed-mindedness. If they're not making you do something, it's not your damn problem.
• The Media. QUIT FILLING MY HEAD WITH LIES.
• Cheap raspberry flavoring. "Raspberry tea" shouldn't taste like bear piss.
• When I'm at a theater and the ticket seller says "Enjoy the movie." and I reply "You too." You can't really recover from that one.
• People who put whorish pictures on their Facebook profile. Especially those who have their parents in their friends list.
• Feeling guilty for not giving money to homeless people. 
• Cars with dozens of bumper stickers on them. We get it. You have lots of opinions. I can't imagine mentioning the word "abortion" near you, for fear of being barraged with "scientific information" and statistics made up only to serve whichever political party you belong to.
• People who are over weight because they eat too much and complain that they're over weight, but do nothing about it. Seriously. All the money you're putting into food could be used for therapy, because there must be a reason why you're eating too much.
• When I get food in my hair and don't realize it until much later. Why is there crusty cheese in my  hair? Oh. Right. I had nachos about two hours ago.
• Mascara. Yeah, I wear it. Begrudgingly. I always manage to stab myself in the eyeball with it and ruin all my hard work I did on my eyeliner and eyeshadow, if I decide to wear them that day. Not to mention the burning flesh rampage that goes on afterward because I have to scrub all my damn makeup off and start over. That's why I usually go with foundation and glasses. I call it the "wannabe Daria" look.
• People who disagree with Piers Morgan on America's Got Talent. He's cold. But he tells the truth. If there was any man in the world who I would trust for an honest opinion, he's it. "Does my hair look bad today, Piers?" "You look bloody awful. Go take a shower." "Thank you Piers." That's how my mornings would go. And I would openly welcome that.
• Fashion. Wearing peacock feathers on your head isn't edgy and cute. It's stupid. Take those damn feathers off, you're going to get attacked by a muster of horny peahens.
• Hunting. May the gods strike me down for saying that I don't like hunting when I live in rural North Dakota, but I don't. It's not fun. It's murdering an animal. Yes, deer get over populated. But you do not need to paint your pickup in camouflage colors to fool it into thinking you're not stalking it. It's not that hard to trick one. They just eat corn and make babies and be adorable jumping around in trees like little fairy animals.
• When I talk about a show I like and out of nowhere a person says something along the lines of "Ugh, I hate that show. It's so stupid." K, that's your opinion, and since you don't like it, go bother someone else for a while as my friends and I discuss it anyway, next time don't be so fucking negative. What's your favorite show? WELL I'M GOING TO CUT YOU OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF YOU SAYING IT AND TELL YOU IT'S DUMB. Because I'm an adult. And that's how an adult would handle it.
• Parents who lie to their children. Santa Claus is not real. I've known that since I was old enough to understand the concept of Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy is not real. But don't tell them that, otherwise they'll expect you to give them the money directly and that puts even more strain on your tight budget when your child asks you for an extra quarter for this tooth because he really wants that sticky hand over in the two-quarter machine.
• People who show me pictures of their children and expect me to reply with anything other than "Meh." I don't like children. They're annoying. They're drool-, tear-, poop-producing factories that won't appreciate anything you do for them until years later on two occasions: When they graduate college and realize all the time and effort you put in to raising them, and when you die.
• There are many more, but I'm tired. And I hate being tired. So it's time to go cure that.

O,..,o

It's a crazy spider. Just look at him. Do you know how he's crazy? Because one eye is bigger than the other. That's how you tell people and things are crazy. And it's a spider because there's fangs. Little goofy fangs. Unfortunately I can't think of what symbol on my keyboard could serve as legs. But I'm not scared of this spider, no sir. Not this little sprite. I mean, just think about it, the fangs are so little! They couldn't harm a fly! Okay I take that back, I'm pretty sure spiders are like super experienced at harming flies, so ignore that last statement. Still, it's so cute! This is what I imagine, him just sitting on my leg, nibbling at my jeans, staring at me blankly.

Also, I wish I could talk like Boomhaeur. People need to make more videos of themselves talking like him. And then send them to me.

I Went Shopping Yesterday. Also, I'm Twenty Now. Yay Me!

 I got a Pikachu shirt! Pokememes re-inspired my intense love for the original 150 pokemans, so when I walked into Hot Topic yesterday on my ultimate quest for an awesome sweater [with a side-quest of visiting my super-amazing friend Ra-panda (code name, of course)] and saw a godly Pikachu sweater in front of my eyeballs, I immediately squee'd and demanded it to come to my hands so that I may grasp it in warm embrace. And later wear it.

 That's right. Sailor Moon. You be jelly, I know it. Granted it doesn't have Sailor Pluto (my favorite) or Sailor Neptune (my first anime crush), but it's still SWEEEEEET.

 It's the same shirt but I'm wearing it while making an "Oh my gosh!"* face. Enjoy.

* or, "Fuck, this tooth pain is ridiculous, but I'm perky as hell right now because I drank three Monsters this morning!" face.

"SPLACK!" and other nerdy comic book onomatopoeias! It's a messenger bag (or some fashion-y sounding name that adheres specifically to a rectangular bag that rests on the adjacent shoulder) that I plan on covering in little pins! So far I just have Blossom from the Powerpuff Girls pinned to it, but I have plenty more waiting to crowd up its straps.

 To indulge my hippie side I bought an unpolished turquoise ring from the neighborhood alternative religion/metaphysical store. Handmade very well, as always. They have the most talented jewelry crafters.

Aaaand this is me pretending to be Cthulhu with my hairclip. Don't mind me, I'm just busy being crazy.

Learning a New Language is Hard.

Every summer I set out with the best intentions of making myself super-human. I start working out, I eat healthier, and I start making ridiculous plans and expectations for myself. "I'm going to learn a martial art" is a popular one. Another is "I'm going to learn how to speak [insert language of a country I'm obsessed with at the time]!" In January I was pre-planning for summer and adamant in learning Russian. Then I started thinking "When the Hel am I going to Russia? Probably never. Damn. Better drink my own piss." Just kidding. I'm not Bear Grylls. But I wish I had his survival skills, I'd live all up in the wilderness with the trees and shit. Like a fucking koala. Eating leaves and being adorable and shit. Sorry I'm swearing a lot today, I'm kindof hyper. And nervous because I tend to forgot I need to keep my blog alive. I'm thinking about tweaking what the whole purpose of this blog is... since there isn't one so far aside from telling strangers odd opinions I hold. Like.. maybe uploading pictures of stuff I buy and rambling about how awesome/awful it is. And reviewing stuff. Maybe add a rant every once in a while. You know, diversify. Like being a stripper but moonlighting as a dinosaur (you thought I was going to say prostitute didn't you?). Now that I think of it I actually went shopping yesterday. I'll post what I got! :D

I'm Kind of a Dork.

Ever since I was little, I've always loved RPGs. Even before I knew what gaming was, my mom would play Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time occasionally but was unfortunately very over-protective of it and would never let me play (looking back I don't blame her, I was a destroyer of all the things). Once I was older and (slightly) more responsible, I managed to dig through all of our boxes of old, forgotten crap and locate this glorious treasure. Immediately when I turned on the game, I was sent back to the days of my childhood when I would eagerly watch my mom play OoT for hours doing stuff that made no sense to me whatsoever, but it was flashy and that elf kid had a hella boss sword, I couldn't not watch. The sword movements, the vast landscape, the gorgeous songs.. all of it would later inspire me to desperately pursue any RPG that fulfilled my desire for adventure and battle.

Luckily in this day and age, RPGs with plenty of "adventure and battle" are running rampant. Now, I will admit here and now I was one of the poor preteen souls that played RuneScape for a good amount of time. This is only because it was browser-based and I was too young for my parents to allow me to download things from the internet, such as games. Thankfully that all changed years later (after building up a pretty awesome RuneScape account which I later entrusted to my much-deserving "RuneScape apprentice" cousin) when I moved in with my great grandparents and was given free range on their new computer (They were in their seventies, they honestly didn't give a darn as long as my grandmother could check her InvisiMax email every couple of weeks and I showed them how to look up weather updates, because an at-home DTN and the most premium of 24-hour weather channels wasn't enough). I also helped with tedious Excel documents holding information about thousands of farm- and shop-related transactions.

Anyway, when I was allowed this godly ability of "downloading," I took full advantage of it. By some form of miracle I managed to make a semi-social living on GaiaOnline (a forum-based site with the sweet bonus of pimping out your avatar) while balancing a solid addiction to the MMO MapleStory. Ah, Gaia. I remember those days. I was the Head Vixen at the "Naughty Hotties" tavern (in the Chatterbox forum of course, because the thread was basically just a 'walk in and flirt with 40 year old men pretending to be 15 year old girls' bar setting themed RP). Head Vixen was a dangerous job, too, considering I was basically the thread's role-play prostitute and received wonderful payments (such as Momo the Monkey and many lovely dresses from Gambino Outfitters as thank-yous from "satisfied" customers) but was in direct violation of the anti-cybering section of the TOS. I'm very lucky I didn't get banned, but now I don't even go on the sight aside from checking every few days to make sure I haven't been hacked, and I abandoned the account ages ago.

When I wasn't spamming and whoring the forums of Gaia, I was on MapleStory entertaining myself with mindless 2D chibi-style battles against creatures like crabby red snails and adorable hopping clocks that make the cutest Kirby-like noises when you kill them. I've spent the last six years of my life being on-and-off addicted to this evil thing, but I regret none of it. I am, sadly, quitting Maple out of spite (for a while at least) because the way the game has evolved and developed in the past few years has made it unbearably easy to level. Back when I first started, leveling to seventy for your third job advancement was near-godly; Tiger and FangBlade were worshipped as the first two level 200s on the game. Now it takes a matter of weeks to reach level 200 with the right friends and funding... it's pathetic. I miss my old, fulfilling Maple where all your time was spent grinding and talking with your guildies, and until the amazing boost to the Bowman class in the Jump! update coming later this year or early next year, I'm not touching it.

For now I'm on Cabal Online (Mercury server, IGN AvaQui [FA] and KatinkaNimka [Blader], actively looking for buddies and a guild even though I'm a pathetic nooblet at the moment). I'm very content with my "new" game (I played about two years ago for a few months until I graduated high school). In fact, if it weren't in the middle of a server maintenance, I'd probably be playing it right now. Even though it's midnight. And, being a human, I need sleep. ... I should go to bed. ... Or not. ... On to Memebase!

I Like These Things.

Books: Why We Suck, I Am America and So Can You!, Diary of a Cat, To Kill a Mockingbird, Tuesdays with Morrie, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Corvus...

Video Games: Kingdom Hearts I & II, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time/a Link to the Past/Phantom Hourglass, God of War II, Final Fantasy III, MapleStory, Pokemon Sapphire & Ruby/Diamond & Pearl, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelists of the Roses (PS2)/Worldwide Edition/the Sacred Cards/the Eternal Duelist Soul, Cabal Online NA...

Music: La Roux, Soundgarden, Weezer, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Lady Gaga, Utada Hikaru, the Bird and the Bee, Zero 7, Stone Temple Pilots, Incubus, the Lonely Island, Serj Tankian, Ingrid Michaelson, Travey McCoy, System of a Down, Crystal Castles, Pendulum, Regina Spektor, Epica, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra.

Movies: RED, Harry Potter, South Park Movie, Easy A, The Dark Knight, Hot Tub Time Machine, Sorority Boys, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle/Escape from Guantanamo Bay, Aladdin/the Return of Jafar/the King of Thieves, Aristocats, Beauty and the Beast, Benchwarmers, Scary Movie (all four), Paranormal Activity (but only when it first came out in theaters and everyone thought it was real. Now it's just boring), Austin Powers (all three), Salt, Stepbrothers, Elf, Date Night, Memoirs of a Gesha, Blazing Saddles, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Mean Girls, Cecil B. Demented, Nobel Son, Anchorman, Dodgeball, V for Vendetta, Kill Bill 1 & 2, Juno, Hard Candy, the Hangover, Office Space, Zombieland, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Superbad, the Love Guru, Hamlet 2, the Proposal, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider/the Cradle of Life, Taken, the Demented Cartoon Movie, Don Hertzfeldt's "Rejected," Super High Me, Fahrenheit 9/11, Religulous...

TV Shows: Daria, Invader Zim, Aqua Teen Hunger Force/Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1, Family Guy, Powerpuff Girls, the Oblongs, Morel Orel, Sailor Moon, Cowboy Bebop, Metalocalypse, Tosh.0, Home Movies, Are You Being Served?, American Dad, South Park, NCIS, Deadliest Warrior, Tabatha's Salon Takeover, Millionaire Matchmaker, Hoarders, Mysteries of the Smithsonian, Life After People, Silent Library, Beavis and Butthead, Drawn Together, Halfway Home, Reno 911!, Tough Love, Dead Like Me, Mission Hill, Squidbillies, Outlaw Star, Hamtaro, 2 Stupid Dogs, Pokemon, the Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Totally Spies!, Big O, Gundam Wing, Keeping Up Appearances, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Shin Chan, Pawn Stars, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Super Jail!, the Nanny, the Sarah Silverman Show, so many more...

Miscellaneous stuff: writing, cats, owls, ravens, being scared by movies or books, FOOOOOOD, dressing up in weird costumes and outfits, religions, internet memes, video games, hippie stuff, knives, guns, medieval weaponry and torture devises, the human mind, social interaction, archery, martial arts, stuffed animals, Batman, incense, television A LOT...

Actors/Actresses: Robin Williams, Alan Rickman, Adam West, Will Ferrell, Seth Macfarlane, Angelina Jolie, Emma Watson, Betty White, and some that I can't think of at the moment.

Comedians: Demetri Martin, Kyle Cease, Lewis Black, Daniel Tosh, Gabriel Iglesias, Ralphie May, Maria Bamford, Steve Carell, Dave Chappelle, Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Engval, Jeff Dunham, Craig Ferguson, Kevin James, Jim Gaffigan, Mitch Hedberg, Jamie Kennedy, Brian Regan, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Jo Koy, Bill Maher, Dat Phan...

So there's me in a nutshell. Have fun with it.