Here. Take a look. Interested? You should be. Because that's a book about LoZ. That's right. With pictures and shit. All about Hyrule. And it's only like twenty bucks for a hardcover. Did you read that right? Fuck yeah you did. Do you know how hard it is to find a good hardcover anything for less than thirty dongs? Really fucking hard. Plus this one's about Hyrule. Link and Zelda and shit. Rupees and shit. Awesome.
If I had a penis, I would have a hard-on for this hardcover. I'm that excited.
And guess what? It's at #1 on Amazon's Best Sellers list. You read that shit right too, buddy. It even beat out that BDSM guilty pleasure trilogy every suppressed housewife's been creaming over for the past age and a half. Speaking of which, I read "50 Shades of Alice in Wonderland." Pretty fucking good book. I'll never see Alice the same way again. It's basically the first book in a parody trilogy that chronicle's Alice's journey to discovering she loves being a whore. It's some hilarious shit. You should read it. Just don't touch yourself. Because that's just creepy.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Time For an Anime Review... Ouran High School Host Club!
I'm still trying to decide how to handle my review-based posts, but I think the best place to start is with an anime I have no problem discussing -- Ouran.
I'll start with the basic story. Haruhi is a girl who dresses like a boy. She knocks over a vase. A pretty freaking expensive one. And then she is bombarded by handsome men. Those men make her pretend she's a boy to pay them back for the vase. Don't worry, it gets better.
One of the main selling points for this anime, to me at least, was when I heard Kyoya's voice -- J. Michael Tatum. Granted, he's in a lot of shit. But I had just finished Black Butler before this, and man.. Sebastian is sex. I was vulnerable to his voice's sexiness, and couldn't resist another opportunity to listen to it. So there's that. The other one is Haruhi. She's normal. The definition of a normal, actual person. And I love the concept of a girl being forced to flirt with other girls. But the best part is -- she doesn't hate it. She actually kind of likes it. It comes easily for her, and if it weren't for the Host Club members themselves, it would be a pretty good gig.
Now let's review the characters.
Haruhi. She's a tomboy, doesn't see gender as an issue for anything ever, and is the most level-headed, realistic person I've ever seen in an anime; I. Just. Love. Her. Unfortunately for her, though, she's pretty naive with flirting and how attractive she actually is, which is very understandable considering she's been walking around barely aware that she's a woman her whole life. Anyway, she basically is the one person in the world who understands every single one of the Host Club members' personalities; she can even tell the twins apart, and that's pretty amazing.
Tamaki. He's the face of the host club. Charming, princely, and obnoxiously self-absorbed. He's the best when it comes to seducing women, but of course, Haruhi remains unmoved by his awkward advances that border between a boyfriend-like jealousy and a father-like overprotectiveness. At times it gets grossly confusing which one he really thinks he is to her, but that just adds to the fun of the Host Club. Ever seen a father observe his daughter being flirted with for the first time? That's him. All of the time. And it's hilarious.
The Twins, Hikaru and Kaoru. The twins distanced themselves from people a lot growing up. Incidents when they were younger where no one could really tell them apart seemed to put an abnormal wall between them and everyone around them, but Haruhi, being amazing, changed that and is the only person who has ever told them apart. The fun thing about them (I say fun now because at first it was creepy and awkward) is that they draw in their customers by being in love with each other. At least, that's how it appears. One of them pretends to be the strong, willing type and the other is the submissive, easily embarrassed type. They're giant mind-fucks, though, so don't believe anything they say or do, ever.
Kyoya. The financial wizard of the Host club. He's distant, business-oriented, and straight-forward. The typical cold samurai type with depths of wisdom in human psychology, there's one in every anime and for some reason I still just love them all and cheer for them to end up with the girl. He seems to hold a particular interest in Haruhi, mostly for her ability to bring the Host Club together as friends as opposed to business partners, and doesn't appear to swoon over her like most of them. He also keeps constant tabs on Haruhi's debt to the Host Club.
Honey-Senpai and Mori. I can honestly say that the only character I had a huge issue with was Honey. I've never been a fan of the lolita boy type and I'm still not, especially after watching this. Sure, he's probably adorable to some people, and sure, his dutiful bodyguard-like friend Mori is pretty baller but damnit I hate little kids. Especially bratty ones that eat candy and roll around in a big ball of cute all day. Bleh. Granted he has some moments where you're all "Awww" and "Oh, I'm beginning to understand him," but that wasn't good enough for me. On a lighter note, Mori is bad ass and I'd probably go after him if I were Haruhi, if I didn't have to help him babysit all the time.
The best thing I can say about this anime is that it is super funny. Sometimes I belly-rolled, other times I was worried to be on the verge of peeing myself in laughter. It was great for that. But the amount of stress they put on the fragile relationships of the Host Club members draw you in in such a way that the humor just becomes a bonus. I loved this show and was devastated when I finished the series. I cannot recommend this highly enough, even to people like me who don't want to watch a cute and cuddly anime with bubbly stupid shit going on that's all light-hearted and whatnot, but this is a great break to sandwich in between some deep dark anime that make you feel drained and empty like Cowboy Bebop or something. Don't get me wrong, I fucking love Cowboy Bebop, but I certainly don't miss the feeling of "my life is pointless" I got after every episode I watched.
Overall, Ouran was very well done and a grand time. 9/10. Because Fuck you, Honey-Senpai.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Necessary "LOOK AT MY FUCKING CAT" Post.
The first thing I'm shoving down your mind-throat is this video of him staring at a bird. It's seventeen seconds long and almost completely pointless. Except, LOOK AT MY FUCKING CAT AND BASK IN THE CUTENESS OF HIS TWITCHY WHISKERS.
Here's Spartacus begrudgingly holding still long enough for me to take a photo while he's conscious.
Here he is all cute-faced and sleeping.
Him taking a nap in a derpy position.
Him staring at me while I was trying to go to the bathroom, but it's my fault for leaving the door slightly open.
So that's Spartacus Snorlax Derpington. I love my little asshat. He doesn't come when he's called, doesn't understand basic commands, and still doesn't understand that when he stands behind a door and someone opens it, he's going to get smacked in the face with a door. But come on. Look at that face. Awwwww.
I Had My 21st Birthday. Plus... Purple Hair!
Yep, my 21st birthday occurred Friday. I can honestly say, unlike a lot of people, I did not in fact get totally shit-faced. :D I'm not a fan of alcohol so the celebration was basically sitting at a bar for an hour then eating at Paradiso (fucking delicious fake Mexican food, plus they give you a free meal on your special day).
In total, I had three shots: upside down cake (10/10; waitress suggested it and she is a goddess among drink-slave mortals), Top Gun (7/10; suggested by fiancee, not bad, quite sweet but the strong alcohol taste makes me gag just thinking about it), and something that tasted a lot like a smoking furnace full of hate and piss, suggested by a demon that possessed my friend for a few seconds for the sole purpose of bringing me pure misery (1/10; I would not recommend it if I could just remember what the balls it was). I tried Samuel Adams beer for the first time, and I hate beer, but this one wasn't too awful. I think my favorite part was the aftertaste, it literally tasted like I had eaten almonds or some shit a few seconds after swallowing it (7/10 for aftertaste alone). I had a bananaroma or something as a drink instead of a shot. That one was a doozey. Just 99 Bananas and straight vodka. Wouldn't recommend if you're trying to pace yourself, but, surprise, I don't make the best decisions when my 5'5" 123lbs frame has three shots and some beer within an hour.
Walking to the bathroom and saying all of my thoughts out loud was fun, and thank you random boys who passed me in the hallway and reacted very passive-aggressively when I stated "White-framed sunglasses make anyone look a like douche." directly at you all. After that, we had a nice hotel room reserved with a jacuzzi in it (which was awesome, bubble jets are AMAZING) and we watched Metalocalypse and some Aqua Teen while I tried not to pass out.
I slept for a solid two hours until about 3AM when I woke up and had gut rot already, but that was fine, one trip to the vomit-pit (also known as a turrlet) and I was fine except I could not. Fucking. Sleep. Why?
My cat is alone in my apartment. We've never left Spartacus alone overnight. What if he's starving to death? What if he gnawed on a bunch of twisty ties and is choking? What if he tried to jump onto the T.V. and it somehow fell onto him and he's being crushed? What if he's sitting, staring at the door in complete agony and despair thinking we left him forever and hate him and is meow-crying all sad like cats do where it sounds like "MMRAAAAAAOW? MRAAAAAOW? WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE? MMMRAOW?" scratching at the door and shit.
Well, fuck. I can't sleep through that. Keep in mind, though, we gave him plenty of food, he knows not to jump on things, and the wire twisty ties are safely hidden away. But still it's like a parent spending their first night away from their child. I woke up once every half hour and waited until 6AM, when I was on the fetal position on the couch having a minor panic attack, to tell fiancee we should go home. So, we hauled ass out of there and arrived to see a bright, desperately shining face waiting for us at the door the moment we opened it. And received a stern meowing-to about leaving him alone for so long and how he was worried and to never do it again because he didn't know what to do with himself while he was gone. Or not. Fuck, I can't understand cats, he could've been telling us about the crazy catnip and sex parties he had the whole night we were gone with all of his alley-cat buddies and we fucked up his party because we came home early.
But regardless, we were happy we were home, and I slept with little Spartacus until noon in the middle of our bed, both balled up like happy kittens, snoring away while fiancee PVP'd.
Oh yeah, and I got a haircut/dye job.
Eh? :D
In total, I had three shots: upside down cake (10/10; waitress suggested it and she is a goddess among drink-slave mortals), Top Gun (7/10; suggested by fiancee, not bad, quite sweet but the strong alcohol taste makes me gag just thinking about it), and something that tasted a lot like a smoking furnace full of hate and piss, suggested by a demon that possessed my friend for a few seconds for the sole purpose of bringing me pure misery (1/10; I would not recommend it if I could just remember what the balls it was). I tried Samuel Adams beer for the first time, and I hate beer, but this one wasn't too awful. I think my favorite part was the aftertaste, it literally tasted like I had eaten almonds or some shit a few seconds after swallowing it (7/10 for aftertaste alone). I had a bananaroma or something as a drink instead of a shot. That one was a doozey. Just 99 Bananas and straight vodka. Wouldn't recommend if you're trying to pace yourself, but, surprise, I don't make the best decisions when my 5'5" 123lbs frame has three shots and some beer within an hour.
Walking to the bathroom and saying all of my thoughts out loud was fun, and thank you random boys who passed me in the hallway and reacted very passive-aggressively when I stated "White-framed sunglasses make anyone look a like douche." directly at you all. After that, we had a nice hotel room reserved with a jacuzzi in it (which was awesome, bubble jets are AMAZING) and we watched Metalocalypse and some Aqua Teen while I tried not to pass out.
I slept for a solid two hours until about 3AM when I woke up and had gut rot already, but that was fine, one trip to the vomit-pit (also known as a turrlet) and I was fine except I could not. Fucking. Sleep. Why?
My cat is alone in my apartment. We've never left Spartacus alone overnight. What if he's starving to death? What if he gnawed on a bunch of twisty ties and is choking? What if he tried to jump onto the T.V. and it somehow fell onto him and he's being crushed? What if he's sitting, staring at the door in complete agony and despair thinking we left him forever and hate him and is meow-crying all sad like cats do where it sounds like "MMRAAAAAAOW? MRAAAAAOW? WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE? MMMRAOW?" scratching at the door and shit.
Well, fuck. I can't sleep through that. Keep in mind, though, we gave him plenty of food, he knows not to jump on things, and the wire twisty ties are safely hidden away. But still it's like a parent spending their first night away from their child. I woke up once every half hour and waited until 6AM, when I was on the fetal position on the couch having a minor panic attack, to tell fiancee we should go home. So, we hauled ass out of there and arrived to see a bright, desperately shining face waiting for us at the door the moment we opened it. And received a stern meowing-to about leaving him alone for so long and how he was worried and to never do it again because he didn't know what to do with himself while he was gone. Or not. Fuck, I can't understand cats, he could've been telling us about the crazy catnip and sex parties he had the whole night we were gone with all of his alley-cat buddies and we fucked up his party because we came home early.
But regardless, we were happy we were home, and I slept with little Spartacus until noon in the middle of our bed, both balled up like happy kittens, snoring away while fiancee PVP'd.
Oh yeah, and I got a haircut/dye job.
Eh? :D
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Well This is Awkward...
It's about a month away from the "I abandoned my blog and forgot about it" anniversary today, so kind of hurray. <.< I guess I should do some catching up since I plan on electrofying this blog back into use.
So, since I last posted, I have...
1. Quit Quizno's and started working for a pretty big company (like if you've ever been on the internet or bought books you've heard of this place) at one of their call centers, and it's awesome. (We're allowed to have Nerf guns and there's a Wii, fooseball table, and every other person is a gamer or anime freak. This place is the shit.)
2. Got a cat. His name is Spartacus Snorlax Derpington. We got him from a shelter and I'm like 98% sure I'm going to have several crazy cat lady posts including videos of him because he's FUCKING ADORABLE OH MY GOD.
3. Become semi-addicted to Reddit and Archer. And World of Warcraft.
4. Been engaged to that awesome guy who showed me WoW way back in that one post a while ago.
5. Built a pretty effing sweet computer. (Okay so I didn't build it, but I held things while my fiancée and our friend built it. I HELPED.)
6. I still live in the same shitty apartment. But the spousal-abusing, drug-dealing fuckfaces who lived above me moved out, and some really nice recovering meth addicts moved in. No seriously, they're like, really nice people. It's such a cute success story. ; v;
7. My fiancée farted audibly in front of me for the first time ever yesterday. I thought he shit himself in the shower. Many lol's were had.
8. Almost achieved level 85 on my fire Mage, Niminicus. I'm still on Maiev but I have all new characters. I'll post details about them later.
There's probably more, but I can't think of anything else super important at the moment. Just a heads up that I'm starting my blog up again with new insights and goals and stuff. And more product reviews.
So, since I last posted, I have...
1. Quit Quizno's and started working for a pretty big company (like if you've ever been on the internet or bought books you've heard of this place) at one of their call centers, and it's awesome. (We're allowed to have Nerf guns and there's a Wii, fooseball table, and every other person is a gamer or anime freak. This place is the shit.)
2. Got a cat. His name is Spartacus Snorlax Derpington. We got him from a shelter and I'm like 98% sure I'm going to have several crazy cat lady posts including videos of him because he's FUCKING ADORABLE OH MY GOD.
3. Become semi-addicted to Reddit and Archer. And World of Warcraft.
4. Been engaged to that awesome guy who showed me WoW way back in that one post a while ago.
5. Built a pretty effing sweet computer. (Okay so I didn't build it, but I held things while my fiancée and our friend built it. I HELPED.)
6. I still live in the same shitty apartment. But the spousal-abusing, drug-dealing fuckfaces who lived above me moved out, and some really nice recovering meth addicts moved in. No seriously, they're like, really nice people. It's such a cute success story. ; v;
7. My fiancée farted audibly in front of me for the first time ever yesterday. I thought he shit himself in the shower. Many lol's were had.
8. Almost achieved level 85 on my fire Mage, Niminicus. I'm still on Maiev but I have all new characters. I'll post details about them later.
There's probably more, but I can't think of anything else super important at the moment. Just a heads up that I'm starting my blog up again with new insights and goals and stuff. And more product reviews.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Yes I've Been Busy and No I'm Not Sorry.
Life is annoying sometimes, as I've stated before. But now I have a nice distraction from the annoying. I installed WoW to my computer.
That's right. Cower in the corner in horror. I downloaded WoW.
It all happened one fateful day when I returned home from another average, shitty day at work. I walked in to find my beloved sitting in front of my laptop with a very analytical furrow upon his brow. I inquired what he was so focused on, and his next words sent my mind into a spiral of confusion, frustration, and excitement.
"Your laptop can run WoW."
My mind stopped for a second until I began experiencing the aforementioned mental states.
"Bullshit." I replied in complete and total doubt.
"No seriously. Your laptop can run WoW. I've been looking at the requirements and the specs of your laptop. You can run WoW."
"Bullshit." I replied again. This was far too wondrous to be true.
"Come look."
He beckoned me toward himself and my laptop; I abliged and walked over, my face flushed with delight as he proved his words using battle.net as his fact-verifier. I always thought my laptop was too simple to handle something as epic as WoW, hell it could barely run MapleStory, but I was incorrect.
Being as he was a WoW nerd from back in the olden times when it was simply "Warcraft," he had every expansion at the ready and all that was left to do was get it on my computer. It didn't take long thanks to my wonderful new-ish internet connection, and within a day I had made a character in a server and was enjoying the simple bits of being a noob. He guided me around the battle system, the world in general, gave me his very detailed views on the races and classes, told me which were the most fun and which required the most strategy, etc. Eventually I pinpointed what I wanted to get out of the game, then came the hard part. Picking a permanent server (or at least one to hold me over if I decide to transfer to a different realm). Long story short, I picked Maeiv.
So now, here I am, snappin' necks and cashin' checks, kicking ass on my Blood Elf Paladin. I originally started with an Undead Warlock, but after deciding I wanted a bit more smash-face and health, I got completely obsessed with my pally. Plus becoming boss at Herbalism, thus earning shitloads of extra EXP as well as a few extra gold on the side, made it way more fun than my lock. Instead of relying on a minion to do the tanking, I'm the tank. And it feels good. So if you're in my neck of the realms, don't be bashful. I'm always looking for some non-douches to put on my friend list. Nimka's my lock. Eyrrül's my pally. Sup.
That's right. Cower in the corner in horror. I downloaded WoW.
It all happened one fateful day when I returned home from another average, shitty day at work. I walked in to find my beloved sitting in front of my laptop with a very analytical furrow upon his brow. I inquired what he was so focused on, and his next words sent my mind into a spiral of confusion, frustration, and excitement.
"Your laptop can run WoW."
My mind stopped for a second until I began experiencing the aforementioned mental states.
"Bullshit." I replied in complete and total doubt.
"No seriously. Your laptop can run WoW. I've been looking at the requirements and the specs of your laptop. You can run WoW."
"Bullshit." I replied again. This was far too wondrous to be true.
"Come look."
He beckoned me toward himself and my laptop; I abliged and walked over, my face flushed with delight as he proved his words using battle.net as his fact-verifier. I always thought my laptop was too simple to handle something as epic as WoW, hell it could barely run MapleStory, but I was incorrect.
Being as he was a WoW nerd from back in the olden times when it was simply "Warcraft," he had every expansion at the ready and all that was left to do was get it on my computer. It didn't take long thanks to my wonderful new-ish internet connection, and within a day I had made a character in a server and was enjoying the simple bits of being a noob. He guided me around the battle system, the world in general, gave me his very detailed views on the races and classes, told me which were the most fun and which required the most strategy, etc. Eventually I pinpointed what I wanted to get out of the game, then came the hard part. Picking a permanent server (or at least one to hold me over if I decide to transfer to a different realm). Long story short, I picked Maeiv.
So now, here I am, snappin' necks and cashin' checks, kicking ass on my Blood Elf Paladin. I originally started with an Undead Warlock, but after deciding I wanted a bit more smash-face and health, I got completely obsessed with my pally. Plus becoming boss at Herbalism, thus earning shitloads of extra EXP as well as a few extra gold on the side, made it way more fun than my lock. Instead of relying on a minion to do the tanking, I'm the tank. And it feels good. So if you're in my neck of the realms, don't be bashful. I'm always looking for some non-douches to put on my friend list. Nimka's my lock. Eyrrül's my pally. Sup.
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